“Lifelike” Dog Statue Hasn’t Moved in Years, if Ever

SANTA BARBARA, CA – The dog statue that graces the front lawn of the Upper East Side® home in Santa Barbara is well-known to locals, who for years have marveled at its workmanship, and delighted in its charmingly topical changes of costume and decor throughout the year. There is just one problem.

The ostensibly lifelike sculpture never moves. And that is causing locals to reassess their formerly warm opinions of the dog statue.

“It never moves,” local gardener Stan Hopperman notes. “How ‘lifelike’ is that, exactly? A real, living dog moves sometimes, even a tired one. I’m rethinking my adoration of the dog statue.” The bronze sculpture, affectionately known to some as the “Hound of the Coupe de Villes”, is a favorite of self-pleased Santa Barbarans, who for years have driven and walked by the sculpture, and adopted it as a sort of de facto Upper East Side® mascot. That era of goodwill may be ending. Mr. Hopperman sums up the growing sentiment. “We like the dog statue, but the ‘life-like’ designation is way off base. This dog is about as lifelike as the Venus de Milo. Except with more limbs.”