Robust Winter Storms Foul Santa Barbara Waterfront with Runoff Jewelry

SANTA BARBARA, CA – Recent winter storms have brought much relief to drought-stricken Santa Barbara, but the desperately needed rains arrived with the usual price tag. High levels of unhelpfully ostentatious runoff jewelry have been recorded at several Santa Barbara beaches since the rains stopped, and public health officials are urging beachgoers to exercise caution at the shoreline until city workers can address the problem. City of SB Waterfront Manager Clifford Jordin explained. “Heavy rains wash tons of jewelry, costume and otherwise, down the watershed and onto our beaches. These amulets, chatelaines and brooches foul the shoreline’s pristine and already showy habitat, raising waterfront gaudiness levels way beyond acceptable numbers.” City workers and avid volunteers have been selflessly removing the dangerous baubles from our beaches, fastidiously combing East and Leadbetter beaches with butterfly nets and suitcases, often into the wee hours. Jordin is nevertheless dour on the prospects for change. “If it’s not climate change it’s jewelry all over the beaches. The world is a heartbreaking place. You’ve likely never seen a fiddler crab sporting earrings — pray you never have to.”